You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
