I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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