Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
