after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
