Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
