I want to make a zoo with you.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Drunk walkin through police station. America
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
