I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Randomize
