U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
