We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
