I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
