strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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