I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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