i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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