She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
We smell like vodka and hangover
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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