just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Randomize
