Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Randomize