we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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