Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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