i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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