holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
