Swine flu. Run for my life!
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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