Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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