Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
It's never too late to be topless.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Randomize