My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
