I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize