So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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