Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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