people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
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