Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I feel like abortions should bother me more
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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