Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
