He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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