it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
ok first of all what the fuck
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
