I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize