He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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