She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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