there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
