Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
