Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
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