Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Vodka?
Forever.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
