Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
You may now shotgun with the bride
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
