Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
im calling her cock vulture from now on
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
