oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Randomize
