Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
