on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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