Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
