Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
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