So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
