Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
