What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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