why didn't you poke me back
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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