its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize