Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
