Where are you?
In a non slutty way
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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