Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Randomize
