Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
