The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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