No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize