They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
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