so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Randomize
