I wish I could teleport
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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