The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
