My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
