i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
not ubering you a puppy
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
