Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
