I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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