He uses pillows to masturbate.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
How does it feel to date your dad?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize