its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize