Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Randomize
