Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
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