I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
