is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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