OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
