I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
