i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
