I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
