Will you blow on my dice?
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
