I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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