Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
