I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
