how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
