well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
