Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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