So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
