i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
