you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
