three words: i give head
three words: not that well
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
