just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
