...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize