No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Randomize
