I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
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