I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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