i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
