hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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