So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
